Rat snakes are cool. I caught a 4-foot one while mowing, and it turned around and bit my hand when I picked him up. Then he tried to constrict me like I was some vole or something. “HA,” I laughed. “You can’t defeat me, silly snake.” So we released him at the park to bite children.

Do you guys have some focus group results that suggests people outside your office care as much about Bill Simmons as you all apparently do?

You’re right, of course. I know that there are some perfectly normal Skins fans, I just couldn’t let that low-hanging fruit hang there...

Look, I’m a Redskins fan. I want the damn name changed, but that motherfucker Snyder is a stubborn little bastard. Don’t malign all of us for his idiocy (and George Marshall’s definite racism). Just blame most of us.

Dan Snyder, delenda est.

50,000 racists show up to FedEx Field in Landover, MD 8 games a year.

Well he would be just fine with his GEICO uninsured motorist coverage

He’s just used to having extra O’s at the end of things where they shouldn’t belong.

I didn’t know this was a thing until i worked at a daycare and a 3 year old Jonathan Lipnicki-ish boy would tell me every time we’d go outside that, ‘The sun makes me sneeze!’ and every time he would.

Oh my god, I no longer feel so alone! I’ve only known one person, a friend in high school that was a “sun-sneezer” like me, and I remember we tried to explain it to our friends, and we got nothing—not even a mild attempt at understanding. I gave up after that. That was twenty years ago. A new day has dawned!

Hell yeah, sun sneezing is the best. It always clears my head, so I don’t care if it’s weird.

Sun-sneezing is surprisingly unknown. More often than not if you mention it, people look at you like huh?

Matter-Eating Lad? What is this, io9?

Styro are the goddamn worst—and I don’t mean in a hippy liberal recycler way (although I am that). They just taste goddamn terrible. Gimme a red solo pls. I got into a pretty serious argument about this while planning a big party. Some asshole was such a styro fanboy, he was advocating putting beer in them. Holy…

“Boning no one” is pretty close.

I could give half a shit if sneezing ceased to exist.

He’s probably just trying to justify the fact he’s been eating packing peanuts for no reason already.

After I saw you on “Chopped” I concluded you were the whitest man I’d ever seen. Now you tell me you walk around the house with a tennis racket? You’re the whitest man anyone’s ever seen.