I've invited Frank "Baby Dick" Wycheck to come join us. Should be here any minute.

Interesting. Usually, I don't fall head over heels for someone until after they've touched my junk.

Fun Fact: Jeremiah Cleveland's trusty Shitbird, Susan, helped him pick the location of his new settlement in 1798.

"Patrick Ewing? No, no, I said 'pat dick, you in?'"

Missionary: Here, children. We've brought you some shirts.

While the United States' chilly attitude toward not-so-American football has long separated us from the rest of the world, our affection for cheesecake shots has the potential to draw us nearer to the international sports bosom.

Poor Brazilians. They'll never be able to lego and move on from this loss.

His co-workers at State Farm are going to be shocked.

Oh, man. That is rage inducing. Good job?

- IMPORTANT PSA REGARDING NAMES. IF SOMEONE INTRODUCES THEMSELVES AS MICHAEL (JUST AN EXAMPLE, NOT MY NAME), DON'T CALL THEM MIKE. IF YOU DO, THEY WILL WANT TO MURDER YOU WHERE YOU STAND.

Jake Close: [Sees post on Deadspin]

But Ronald Boyer - molester face and all - remains free.

White would have worked better.

Whoosh.

Of course Kruk never said those things. He doesn't have the balls.

At least someone was called up today.

We've got 3 under 5 and I am 50 pounds heavier than I was when we had our first. Stress and having no time is a bad combination. I heard a Jim Gaffigan bit the other day that sums up having lots of kids perfectly. "Want to know what it's like having 4 kids? Imagine you're drowning and someone hands you a baby."

Disciplining players and big dumps. Andy Reid's least and most favorite thing all in one post.

I call this one the "Hey, I'm not a virgin thank you very much."

Lucky for Miami, Lebron prefers live comedy over twitter humor. He thinks Dwyane Wade's old man character is hilarious.