"They're not the San Antonio Saints yet? Jesus, what the hell are they thinking?"

Vh1 is crossing the line by giving him a dating show: Be Sills, My Beating Heart

Debbie entered the morgue, escaping the heavy Daytona air. There lied Dale's body.

I hope these lesbians win the right to marriage.

Hey #12, do Minnesota fans love you and want you back next year?

Instead of saying "Don't rape me", she should have said "Don't rape me, please.

Some may laugh that this contest was for Clippers/Kings tickets, but to her, that's the equivalent of a 3-month subscription to E-Harmony

"As a victim of violence myself"

"I wish taxes were easy like back in my grandfather's day. You'd just take them down to H&R Bloc"

@MattinglysSideburns: That was good.

Mustapha Farrakhan is cookin mc's like a pound of turkey bacon.

Besides bowling, we pretty much get 'em all.

Ethiopia 1

He's quoting a verse from Doucheronomy

@Blast it, Biggs: +1, also for DJ Ango

He should talk to that paraplegic girl in the American Apparel ad about what it means to be a good roll model.

I coulda swore 10 years ago I saw Rae Carruth standing on an aircraft carrier in front of a banner that said "Mission Accomplished"

His ligaments are the last that Rip Torn needs to worry about right now.

"Oh, god. Someone get that Harlequin baby to a hospital!"

Doesn't Mark David Chapman have any offspring that can take care of this idiot?