FUCK THE LACK OF REAL POCKETS IN WOMEN'S CLOTHES. FUCK IT SO HARD.

Seems to me there’s an easy and obvious solution. Make more money than your husband but tell him you make around the same. Then, every day, leave an envelope stuffed with 20’s on your front porch just before he gets home.

I accidentally posted the word “shit” on my company’s Instagram today – trump.

There’s nothing like plastic flowers to foster that one with the earth vibe.

I wasn’t even born when Woodstock happened but even I knew that Woodstock and Farrah Fawcett were totally different decades, girl.

She reminds me of people who use the phrase “olden times” to describe everything from Ancient Greece to the 1990s.

Which then leads to the equally distressing idea that if she actually had a c-section scheduled somebody REALLY messed up.

The small town listed for my state is literally in the middle of nowhere. Which is like...ridiculous. There are so many beautiful and affordable places to live here that are also within 40 minute’s drive of one of our “big cities” (so food, shopping, culture, jobs!) and located near some of the most beautiful parks in…

Can’t find a picture for you, but you should know I totally Dad-rocked the newborn twins in a front carrier while holding five year old boy’s hand look everywhere we went. Mom was finishing her dissertation so we got out of the house a lot. We’d leave lines of swooning ladies from 17 to 70 in our wake.

DILFs Of Disneyland

Rosy cheeks from teething. Teething = miserable = riding with daddy all night. Now she's losing those teeth. Omg. Waaah.

I’m imagining an aerodynamic race-stroller with a coffee cup holder.

Presented without comment.

Thank god someone else asked - I have no idea.

If I were shopping for a stroller, I’d make sure to get the largest, most obnoxious one I can and then sign up for a ton of 5K races and then plow through the slower runners.

(Yes, I ran a 5K yesterday. And yes, a battle-stroller rammed into the back of my foot, causing me to run out of my shoe, stumble, and twist my…

Dads get applauded for just being dads and doing everyday dad things. Moms get told they are doing it wrong no matter what.

I overheard two men talking recently. One said, “It was so awesome. They were all singing. She was so into it. She picked her own costume. We never pushed the princess stuff either way, but it’s so cool that she does her own thing...”

the entire trend of “natural” methods of childbirth and recovery are in dire need of.

i....i always wait until the last possible minute to board and then... and then i just sit in first class if there are a ton of seats open (and if not i just take the best seat i see) because i’m poor yet bougie yet also have no morals and side note i’m an opportunistic lil shit. *shame face emoji*