In the psuedo-professional football system, Manziel based offenses are considered especially heinous.

I’ve met Barbeque (he goes by Barbeque). He’s a shithead. Therefore, I can’t decide whether I want him to win because he deserves to be made fun of, or lose because always and forever he deserves to lose.

Keep this up, and I might believe you’re the real Yeezy.

Haha, oh man. Well, I’m glad at least that my opponent takes his craft seriously.

First of all, how dare you, Mr. Westeros! Pope Thrower is objectively the better name. Secondly, as unofficial NOTY historian, I implore you to check your facts, sir! The worst NOTY voting travesty was in 2014 when Genghis Cohen — arguably the greatest NOTY name of all time — lost in the first round to Erby Ferby, a…

This region is a fucking bloodbath. There isn’t a bad name in the bunch and it has at least 5 of my 7 favorites. The selection committee should be ashamed.

what was the pitch for Oddibe McDowell’s water bill

Coincidentally, Lonely Master was 2/3 of my high school nickname.

The thing is, you can regain your swagger playing Chinese basketball, but you lose all your confidence again an hour later.

“Great shooting, Fletcher Magee” sounds like a sarcastic insult from an archery festival.

And I, absolutely 100% am not the least bit tired of Mikaela Shiffrin. Seriously, I could look, read, watch, listen to, think about Mikaela Shiffrin pretty much any conscious moment. (I’m trying not to be creepy about saying “I think Mikaela Shiffrin is pretty cool” but I think I’m failing.)

This title would also work for a profile of Philip Rivers’ wife.

“In Memoriam of Some Guys.”

“So bye bye Let’s Remember Some Guys”

They tried to book Sisqo, but he canceled last week when he could no longer see that Thon.

I’m going with 6th division, but I can’t say I’ve done much research. 

If Portnoy’s concerned that there are bigoted freaks who read and comment on his site, then he should know that shuttering the comment section isn’t a real solution to the problem.

Dear Deadspin,

How the fuck did you not manage to title this “Portnoy’s Complaint: Barstool is too racist” ???

Sincerely,
Uncle Milty
Dept. of Witty Literary References

So stay tuned for next week’s installment of Dead Letters

Well, at least it looks like his hat gets his jokes.