That is tough and thank you for sharing. The question is so complex and I’m grateful that you told us what the question means to you. It is a very weird and unsettling to suggest that he counts and claim those experiences. I glad to here that he is no longer in your life.

I don’t! And thank you. For me it is just a really awkward question. :D

Stop it. I’ll be your scottish hunk.

You don’t count in general? Sorry it’s unclear, esp. at the end with the asterisk. Again very sorry for the need for clarification.

So many times. So many. Like dragon b z.

I so full of super gay excitement for this! Yayyyyy!!!!

Your initial reply and follow-up response spoke as though the question was trite b/c they assume that the audience doesn’t have a compunction with it.

That seems to be the majority ruling. Only a few commenters have suggested that they count the rapist. Me among them.

I don’t know, man. I guess social conditioning has lead me to count them? An emphatic need to make list?

No I haven’t. It’s offensive what you’re saying. Incredibly offensive. I was sexually assualted and I count it as sex and rape. They are not mutually exclusive.

That’s perfect and I only have the greatest respect.

I am taking umbridge with “the rest of us” and how diminishing it is victims of sexual abuse. We are always apart of that question and it is a very scary and harrowing question to answer at points. The narrative and response of sexual assault victims is not secondary to the ‘main’ audience. If anything that type of…

But then we should question that value of “objectivity.” (Or I should question since I’m the one at odds). I think a realist mindset is only so useful and fails to bridge the gap in some experiences. But I agree that just staying it in its blandest terms is semi-rewarding in that it is 100% accurate.

It’s still sex. I am realizing that the number is dependent on my definition of sex and thank you for highlighting shades of grey.

I blame Scotland.

I do love the power of words and of writing/not writing things down as a coping mechanism. It was one of the tools that really made the difference.

When you phrase it that way, I do think that how the number empowers the victim is what is most crucial.

I’m glad it doesn’t matter for you????

I do appreciate the hetronormative aspect that you brought up, but I have to completely disagree with calling it self-shame. I think it is offensive and dismissive of the victim’s interpretation of events. I also take plight with it because sex does not have a connotation of being consensual. Sex is purely a physical…

Some bad news for Mondays everywhere.