I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some, uh, people out there in our nation don’t have maps and, uh, I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and, uh, the Iraq, everywhere like such as, and, I believe that they should, our education over here in the U.S. should…

I’ll do that after I finish polishing my bishop.

If you think Dan is pissed, imagine how angry his viewer must be.

The amount of breaks in the last two minutes of any close basketball game is probably the one thing I hate the most about sports.

There are clauses in the contract contract for CBS and Turner to exit if the sport goes to hell. To report that they are completely locked in until 2032 is inaccurate.

Must kill Dick. Must kill Dick. Dick must die. Kill Dick ... Richard McBeef. What kind of name is that? What an asshole name. I don’t like it. And look at his face. What an asshole face. I don’t like his face at all. You don’t think I can kill you, Dick? You don’t think I can kill you? Gotcha. Got one eye ... Got the…

The venture capital model relies on a few big hit investments to make up for a lot of duds. So the fact that he was involved in one rotten bet doesn’t prove he was terrible at his job (though I’m not sure what the proof is that he was good at it).

Great, those uppity Costa Ricans really needed to be taken down a peg.

Please vacate the federal building in Oregon. No need for further blood to be spilled.

Goodell went on to say about the players: “They’re bringing drugs. They’re bringing crime. They’re rapists. And some, I assume, do not play for Cincinnati.”

Oh please, it was only seven steps. ALWAYS HIGHLIGHT TRUTHERS

Something similar happened to Jimmy Fallon.

It won’t work. We get dozens and dozens of the so-called “MLS” exhibitions every year, and soccer hasn’t made a dent on this country.