The little note he adds to his letter to Judge Fox, telling him that 'he and his mom think you are a good judge' and thanking him, may be the most heartbreaking thing Kang has ever seen on film.

You think you're safe because we can't downvote anymore.

Most anticipated 2016 comics-to-film/TV adaptation is…
1. Captain America: Civil War (Marvel Studios)
2. Deadpool (Fox)
3. Luke Cage (Netflix)
4. Preacher (AMC)
5. Doctor Strange (Marvel Studios)
Fledermaus vs. Ubermensch didn't even make the list. Kang would be pissing his pants right now if he was a Warner Bros.…

nah, nah, nah. These are HOT CHICKS, man. We're talkin' TENS, and maybe some NINES that could be tens if they wasn't so ethnic-looking. The Trump Wall's gonna have a filter so only the hottest ethnic broads can slip through. It's gonna be… so great. So, so yuuuuge and great.

'You're a loser! Your last movie flopped!' Go back to the quarry!'

Drive doesn't give Isaac nearly enough to do. The guy's an amazing actor. Wanna know how versatile he is? Watch Inside Llewyn Davis, Ex Machina, and Show Me a Hero back to back. It's stunning.

But Kang thought a substantial part of the Native American heritage joke is how many people of 'minority' ethnicity have historically suppressed their ethnic identity in order to assimilate into mainstream success. Jeez, most of golden-age Hollywood is populated with Jewish/Latino/Eastern Eutopeans operating under…

That line didn't hit Kang with as much feels as the rest of the nerds, but it's still one hell of a trailer (FALCON CORKSCREW KICKS TWO GUYS WHILE LANDING)

Saw The Force Awakens with a superfan friend, and we both ended up… not much liking it. It starts off great, new actors are good, everything's fine… and then it's like watching air escape a balloon very slowly over two hours… and then afterwards, the more we talked about it, the more air left the balloon.

There are obviously a lot more deadly and effective intergalactic weapons out there. Luckily for the rebels, that empire is hopelessly in the pocket of the Big Death Star lobby.

Meh, sure. Don't really feel like debating this too much, since the first half-hour is actually easily the best part of this movie. The real problems pile up later.

Movie? All Kang saw was a two-hour compilation of Pavlovian triggers. It seemed designed specifically for that kind of audience reaction. Completely cuts out the tiresome chore of communicating some kind of narrative.

Yeah, you think with all that dough, Lucas could pay some teenager the $15/hour.

I guess this is fair, and I liked Boyega, but wouldn't it have been more interesting if Finn actually HAD killed one of the villagers-or-whatever, and then thrown down his weapon in disgust? He would have been a more interesting creation… one of the bad guy goons who finally has his fill of brutality and PTSD and…

But like SO MUCH OF THIS MOVIE, that only makes sense as a cheap dramatic effect. Why does R2 need to lie dormant in order to keep a freaking GPS coordinate?

THE GOOD: Some nice crowd-pleasing reveals (The Falcon, C-3PO)
THE BAD: Too much freaking fan service (R2D2 went into sad power-saving mode? Really, Movie?)
THE GOOD: Finn and Rey are charismatic and likable
THE BAD: Finn's motivations for switching sides aren't addressed in a remotely interesting way
THE GOOD: …

Let's give it a dress and see if it outsmarts us

Don't have a problem with Rey's immediate aptitude for The Force. DO have a big goddamn problem that in the first scene, Kylo Ren is stopping laser blasts with his mind— something DV himself never demonstrated— and then two hours later he's being taken apart by a novice.

They did make an entire movie that was mostly fan service (hello, 'sleep-mode R2!') without creating much of an original story. Was that an homage?

That was a great touch, even if the scene itself didn't much earn real emotion.