Wait, so it's already dead? (I really really really don't want to go to one of the news sites to find out, trying to stay calm.)

Do you prefer the Houston PetroBBQ sauce or the Kansas fracking dry rub?

Sean Spicer is Booger

I'm confused - should I Pokemon Go! to the bookstore to purchase this tome?

I am neutral on cargo shorts and I question why they generate so much controversy. And I'm not referring to like, the giganto-shorts from the 00's. What makes a decently, proportionately sized pair of shorts with pockets on them so rage-inducing?

When are Vin and Pitbull going to merge bodies and become one?

Smells like another distraction.

Dammit, I actually believed you for a few minutes that Trump pulled the 'fuck you no more briefings' card today. I can't even detect sarcasm properly anymore!

fuuuuuuck

I waffle between agreeing with you and saying 'be careful what you wish for'. These waffling oscillations occur about three times a minute, which is much slower than in February.

I thought Archer made the term 'cock holster' appropriate for everybody?

People like this make me almost see how eradicating Net Neutrality could be a good thing if it hinders access to these freaks. almost

OK, that's fair.

"It's another factory-made cookie-cutter superhero film, but, snark was funny and look at the colors! Nostalgic references were on point. B"

Which Baptist church is your favorite then, A. Jesus?

This is a proposal? I thought this was a fancy power point with better stock photos.

Don't worry yall. Soon this 'influencer' bubble will pop and thousands of pretty, talentless, vacuous people will be in line to fight for a job at McD's.

So, Full Brando then?

Now that they can't blame the strike and douse it all with gasoline, this predicament's going to get a lot more interesting very soon…

Rogue One was slow-to-start but established actual high stakes for the narrative at hand - it felt dangerous. TFA felt like a pre-constructed crowd-tested zeitgeist disney ride.