American Horror Story: Calabasas

With the exception of this GQ article, the only people I’d ever met until now who didn’t use topsheets were men.

Despite his comments about at least two of his daughters (Tiffany here, the comments about Ivanka saying “If she weren’t my daughter...”), I actually don’t think he wants to have sex with his own children. Rather, I think he believes that the highest compliment you can give a woman is to call her fuckable. Which leads…

Robbie is a friend of mine, and by friend I mean kinda friend (we perform together/she books me). Anyway, she’s cool and funny but a bit too cocky for my taste.

Crush it up and add some colors and flavors to it that in no way correspond to their namesakes in nature. Maybe call it Icée (pronounced I-say, of course).

This is a blatant rip off of my very innovative dessert food that people wait on line for hours for!

Want to feel old? All the teens who went to these proms back in 2002 are about to be thirty or are already in their thirties.

Sometimes I feel lonely and feel like lowering my standards again. Then I remember that the last guy that I picked like that is an anti-vaxxer and believes feminists are feminazis and the opposite of male chauvinists and I think I’d just rather be alone for a while than sleeping with such douchenozzles.

Because people will watch. *I* WILL WATCH, GODAMNIT! And I am not ashamed!

the classic

IT’S NOT RUPAUL’S BEST FRIEND RACE

I DON’T GET IT, EITHER! And their repeated instructions about the impact, influence, and what we can’t live without? Useless.

I took two years of Egyptian and Near Eastern archaeology in college, but when I hear anything about King Tut, the first thing I think about is Steve Martin.

Don’t forget, they could hear faint music on the scans too! Several scientist and archaeologists have theories that this may be inside:

I want this house, and all the caftans and cocktails that go with it.

ME TOO. I wrote down thread that men rarely to me on Bumble. I’m not even being forward, that’s just how the app works, and yet still nada.

I swear though, every single time I messaged a guy, I would get nothing. Not even a ‘tits or GTFO.’

Why not both? The money they raise through cookie sales goes directly to the local council which they use for activities, camps, trips, etc. Some councils also donate money to the troops and give to other charitable organizations in their area.

I’m just glad that there’s a story about the Girl Scouts that doesn’t involve a conservative nutbag damning those adorable, young girls to hell. I’m glad that they had fun.

I’m absolutely certain that Truman Capote’s hosting a killer party for Harper Lee right now.