Payday lending and MLMs should be illegal. Fight me.

All three phones will also come with essentially a stock implementation of Android 9 Pie out of the box

Yeah that happened to me too. No fall damage? I’m going to jump down this waterfall! Oh shit! Can someone please pick up my banner? 

Liam is going to jail now because he just gave his publicist a heart attack with that interview. 

I think these are the tweets that made Ashley Feinberg’s mom so mad.

Yeah, I’d hear things like that too, and well it just sounded like some kind of bullshit story if I’m being honest.

...but wouldn’t you be pisssssst if a game called Titanfall didn’t have Titan’s falling from orbit in it?

That hood ornament reminds me of the Imperial Gunner.

Same thing with LSD being forever trapped within a person’s spinal fluid. That always felt like an urban legend.

Well, it’s too bad Bezos doesn’t read Gawker. He could take a note from Thiel’s playbook and just burn The National Enquirer to the ground.

I don’t care but there needs to be a scene where a kid is trying not to get whipped by their older sibling who is wielding a segment of Hotwheels (R) track otherwise what the fuck is the point of a movie about Hotwheels (R)????

The iPhone 6 has to be the worst iPhone ever. I got one from my work, and was expecting it to run circles around my two year old iPhone 5c. It didn’t. the performance was no better, and the hardware felt flimsy.

Didn’t old Chevy Suburbans do this? I seem to remember my friends dad being able to lower the rear glass by turning his key the other way in the tailgate keyhole.

Who do those call buttons even call? 

Also, some libertarians don’t go to church.

Can you even measure the caucacity required to grab Terry Crews by the crotch at a party? 

AllSport and Pro-formance tasted nasty. The best knockoff sports drink was called, “Respect,” and it was regionally available for a year or two. I bought it just because the puns were deadly.

The blue ringed octopus is featured on a page titled “Beautiful Sea Creatures,” in a children’s book that my son absolutely loves. Nowhere does it bother to explain that this is a highly venomous creature tho.

Taco Bell I guess, but really McDonaldz tho

Find the right wig, and you’ve got yourself a baller Carl Sagan costume.