I would happily sell full access to my data for the right price.

I literally came to post a “ha-ha PLOT-TWIST” suggesting Serkis as Alfred and Farrel as Cobblepot. o_O

I’ve tried blotting. I’ve tried wringing. I’ve tried using a ricer to squeeze every drop of moisture out. I’ve even tried the ricer then drying them overnight on a sheet pan in the fridge.

“When I did lose my virginity, she was so engrossed in an episode of 20/20 that she never looked up from the TV.”

Every single one of them. :(

Do you prefer the jellied kind without chunks of berries in it?

Hashbrowns. I cannot cook hashbrowns.

Yeah, I’ll eat a half-dozen of the shittiest donuts you can imagine if someone just shows up with them at a staff meeting.

Anyone who believes their Bank, Employer, or Government is their friend is destined for failure.

My personal favorite:

Yeah?

“When buying home furniture for guests to sit in, buy something somewhat uncomfortable so they won’t want to stay too long,” 

“Sandwiches come in second place to eating peanut butter straight out of the jar, which is something I do at least once a day because peanut butter is pretty much my favorite food. To give these “peanut butter pops,” as I call them, a bit of texture, I dip the loaded spoon into a container of chia seeds, which are…

Not really. The cheapest Hermes purses retail for thousands of dollars.

You’re right.

Every Sunday morning five year old KidK and I get up early and let LadyK sleep.

No General Tso’s Chicken?

Speak for yourself.