Exactly. They know they shouldn’t be doing whatever it is they got into, but can’t stop, so cue the elaborate tales and the convoluted behaviors. I told him at the time it felt worse than being cheated on, and it took him a while to understand how betrayed I felt.

I honestly think he is a sociopath or a similar diagnosis. I wasted some time by trying to go to couple’s counseling with him and the counselor, while choosing her words very, very carefully, said he had some serious issues and would need intense therapy. I asked her if she thought he was a sociopath and she said she…

My SIL’s best friend’s husband was arrested for child porn. The wife, who has two small kids, had NO IDEA. Nobody did. The stuff he was watching apparently was especially horrifying.

Thank you! And as a lover of sloths, HOW THE HELL DID I NOT KNOW ABOUT PYGMY SLOTHS????

Yeah, that’s not being a good friend, that’s setting someone up for an STD or worse.

I had a boyfriend for three years who was so smart and funny and had such great ambition...but he could never seem to get himself out of debt. I didn’t understand because he had a really high-paying job and was extremely responsible (on the surface), so I chalked it up to him maybe supporting his parents or something?…

When it comes down to your spouse abusing your child, somehow I just find it hard to believe the other parent didn’t suspect something, if not know it outright and look the other way. I’m sure there are exceptions (like if your boyfriend is watching your kids while you work, that is how every case of child rape…

So thanks to the increase in home surveillance and nanny cams, I’m sure SOME poor bastard, at some point, has unwittingly witnessed their spouse engage in child abuse this way

Was he a sociopath? Ugh. I don’t know how people can hide it. I’ve cheated once and the feeling of hiding it from your partner is the worst feeling in the world. The guilt and regret just tear you up. I couldn’t do it again. Nothing in the world is worth that kind of crap.

I want to give you and bonjourtristesse the biggest hugs ever. I am so, so sorry you both had to go through shit like that.

Something along those lines happened to me. When we were basically newlyweds my husband got us into some financial trouble without telling me and started getting depressed over it. Then his addiction to online gaming returned. He hid the whole thing from me very well for months, until I found out and almost divorced…

Omg I don’t think I could continue speaking to a supposed friend who knew what my husband was up to and said nothing.

Man, that’s awful! I’m very sorry. I dated a guy once who I’m pretty sure had narcissistic personality disorder. He lied about EVERYthing. Like random shit—saying that he didn’t get his haircut when I could tell he did (gaslighting). I had never known anyone like that before so I didn’t realize to the extent that a…

Omg I found out the same way! Gotta love assholes and their sloppy email. One of the doubters told me I must have suspected something because I snooped in his emails. The truth is, I was presented with an opportunity and I was just being nosy. *shrug*

Yeah, same story here. When “friends” would say “I thought you knew so I didn’t say anything” I would reply “Well, he wasn’t dead, and I wasn’t in jail for it so how did you think I knew?”

Duuuuuude. The number of times I get “but you must have known SOMETHING was up...” for far less shitty romantic crimes is staggering. HAVE YOU ALL FORGOTTEN LOVE IS A TERRIBLE MINDFUCK?

Oof. I had a very similar experience with my ex. To make it all the more disturbing, he was also meeting people for anonymous sex while I was still breastfeeding our daughter. I had zero suspicions until he used my computer to arrange one of his meet-ups and didn’t sign out of his fucking hotmail.

We have security cameras in our home (my husband wanted them and set them up, and I really love them now that we work such different hours — we use them to send each other goofy messages).

Yeah, “red flags” are easy to spot in hindsight, but so often they are perfectly consistent with innocent behavior. You can’t go through life just assuming that every slightly odd behavior is something dark and nefarious. There’s an implicit trust you just have to have in people that the things they are doing…

:( I’m sorry that happened to you.