I am a wizard of filth, friend only to the pig and the rat.

Looking up some stats, over half of women who have an abortion plan to have children later, so aren't we really only "missing" 25-30 million people?

I don't know, the "courtship" always seemed pretty crazy to me. No physical contact and only being able to hang out with each other's crazy, gigantic families? Yeah, those sound like conditions under which you can tell if you want to marry someone.

One of the schools where I adjunct sent out an email that last Wednesday was Wear Pink for Breast Cancer.

I trick potential mates by wearing contact lenses. That's right, normals, I'm walking around, secretly carrying my inferior genes!

Have you tried colored mascara? As a hazel, I mix it up with shadows and sometimes purple/teal eyeliner, but I always use green mascara now. I like to think it transforms me from Muddy Brown to Legit Green.

It's so ironic that when I think of the word feminine or feminist I picture these images in my mind of beautiful women that are very submissive and feminine and lady like, you know the way real women are supposed to be!...But these stupid feminists people are so manly looking and acting! I bet they even have hairy…

Generally. I haven't had kids, but I've got stretch marks in a variety of places.

I do not want a promiscuous slut, I want a normal, decent, good hearted girlfriend.

I'm sorry, I know this is the least horrible aspect of his rant, but logic demands I ask:

"Friends can be great resources when it comes to dating advice, but at a certain point, they can get tired of hearing about your issues and just tell you what you want to hear rather than give you the advice you really need,"

Worse, my Facebook Perfect Boyfriend squad posts these things while they are doing them with the perfect boyfriend. This drives me up the wall since I feel like I'm on the verge of annoying all my friends by talking about my new gentleman caller, but when I'm actually with him I have no desire to inform the internet…

Thanks for the info!

.by the way, the ones I bought had this rigid silicon/plastic "frame" or ring thing, and we found out the hard way that a condom rubbing against that will burst. Don't know if the other brands are made the same way, but I think it's an important FYI!

Also, dating is a waste of time, but sex is better when you're emotionally involved with your partner. Do not deliberately seek out emotional involvement, simply achieve it.

2. Don’t hit the snooze button. If you gotta get up, then get up.

Penetrating the guy is an interesting change of pace. But, yeah, it wasn't as hot as I thought it would be, and figuring out a good position was kind of difficult.

Being tragically undateable is a common affliction.

I think it's one of those statements where even if you're joking, there's some part of you that's seriously considered giving up.

I had an OKC date tell me that his plan for the future was to buy a house, fill it with cats, die alone, and be eaten by said cats.