Beaujolais Nouveau Day is like Wino Thanksgiving. So, like Thanksgiving but with less food.

Don't forget the "Nobody gives me a chance because I'm not 6' with a 6 pack" guys!

I'm so glad my cat can't sit next to the printer. She'll just have to be content with knocking small, useless items (like my glasses or my great-great aunt's ring) off tables.

Where are you going that won't accept *any* funding?

Rechargeable is definitely worth it. And you can buy vibrators on Amazon for cheaper than list price and with free shipping. My Lelo Nea was paid for by Mechanical Turk hits anyway, so it wasn't like I was even spending real people money.

I had cousins who were those smug kids. They were homeschooled to protect them from the evils of the world and a non-Christian science curriculum, but I remember them being those smug kids one year at Christmas. I'm over a decade older, so I just found it obnoxious. Especially since these are Make a Birthday Cake…

No, he got 5 years for what he did and the rest because he tried to run.

I was going to post something...negative? I think? But, uh, somehow I ended up listening to the soundtrack on Grooveshark and singing ensemble pieces by myself. So, I guess what I want to say about this is how do I not already own the soundtrack?

The best Richard III I've ever seen was in an all female cast at Shakespeare's Globe.

The late Garfield dialed 911 a few times.

Yeah, I realized the other day that I don't think I've ever been asked out by a guy (outside of somebody from a dating site suggesting meeting in person). I don't think I'm attractive enough to be intimidating, but people have told me I seem intimidating in general.

With the Critical Reading and the Writing sections, it's important to understand what the test is looking for and how the questions are set up since there is rarely only one right answer except on a high stakes, multiple choice test.

...and I am so old that despite teaching the SAT within the last year, I processed this as, "Wow, that's an amazingly good score! That's, like, 400 points better than perfect! Oh, wait."

I used to teach SAT prep. The SAT really measures how good you are at taking the SAT.

My aunt apparently objects to her grandson having a stuffed elephant that's purple. Said grandson is less than a year old, so I assume he's too young to have been vaccinated against the gay.

This could easily backfire for some people though. My sister was genuinely excited to get pens. And chapstick. Of course, my sister likes pink, Disney Princesses, and owls, so you can pretty much shop for her out of the Target dollar bin whether you like her or not.

Bath stuff. It sends the same signal as the candle, but with the implication that the person could smell better.

With Bewitched, wasn't Sam trying to pass as a mortal? Her reasons for doing so were probably problematic, but I remember her trying to avoid using her magic being her choice rather than Durwood's.

You can socialize cats to like humans and dogs, but there is no way to get rid of the killer instinct. I had no idea there were lizards or mice around here until I started finding the mutilated corpses.

Not a dumb concern—cat saliva is toxic to birds.