Spit and claws (even if the cat doesn't hit it hard enough to do serious damage). I always feel like such a Debbie Downer for thinking of this when I see videos of cats and birds together.

Put a towel down? Use those sheets you've already ruined just by having your period?

I also went to a private college because I was supposed to go to college, ended up miserable, screwed around/partied away my feelings, and eventually graduated. I wish some of that tuition money could've gone towards my (worthless) teaching license and my (worthless) grad school.

I would totally lose my shit if a non-relative told me they weren't grey at my age. What the hell is that supposed to do?

This sort of thing isn't a complete surprise, but this article has forced me to realized that this is probably how my aunt was adopted back in the 50's. Like this could be what I didn't manage to put together when my mother told me that my grandmother was a good Catholic woman so of course there wasn't a long wait to…

With a People Who Secretly Had Babies Together montage!

I'm doing SAT Prep classes right now—Verbal only. Day 1 of this semester included telling the kids that there's a very good reason why I'm the Critical Reading/Writing teacher and that they do not want my help with math.

As an English major/teacher, I've encountered plenty of students who don't read. They're not completely illiterate, but their literacy skills have already managed to atrophy like my sister's math "skills."

You can always improve your math skills. Your teacher, however, will always be an asshole.

Yeah, but when I'm playing City of Heroes, I'm looking to beat up miscreants and spend an embarrassing amount of time playing with the costume designer.

Don't forget VA Governor and Snatchologist Bob McDonnell! He still hasn't answered my question about cramps, but it doesn't look like he's deleting comments either.

It's going to be an uncomfortable conversation no matter what. I've recognized my disordered eating and have been able to talk to close friends about it, but I haven't really lost the need to try to pass as normal. Something you can do to help your friend is to stop commenting on her weight at all, and stop…

Americans will turn any holiday into an excuse for getting drunk! Which reminds me: should we start celebrating St. George's Day? Because there's a pretty big drinking holiday gap between St. Patrick's Day and Cinco de Mayo.

Before you say another word, Javert, before you chain me up like a slave again, listen to me. There is something I must do.

Hey, those theoretical internet dollars are going directly to whatever it is this cause does!

I'm so sorry they put you through that. Since when do pharmacists get to bring their politics to work with them? I leave my beliefs at home, and I'm not even responsible for anyone's health.

Don't forget VA Governor Bob McDonnell! I've just posted my snatch update on his Facebook. Today's theme is clots.

As a way to thank conservatives for their interest in my reproductive organs, I think I'm going to start sending them emails about my period.

I really loved Girl Scouts, but there wasn't a troop nearby when I reached Cadette. I think I earned a few badges on my own (which was how I'd earned most of my Junior badges). I wish I'd been able to continue—I mean, it wasn't like I was cool anyway.

That would be fifty shades of awesome.