I’m scream-laughing. Or laugh-screaming. I don’t even know how to describe the noises that are coming out of me right now.

heaven

Miley Cyrus is all “dogs aren’t like, animals with four legs and a waggy tail.” “The sky isn’t like, a giant blue dome that we all live under.” “Europe isn’t like, a continent where countries like the UK and France are located.”

And it’s not anger like, “Guys, I’m frustrated about some things that are a bigger issue.”

I’M IN

Cats and money!

“My background is in LOVING CATS. I have no other relevant experience.”

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD THIS IS EVERYTHING I HAVE EVER WANTED IN A JOB

*sends jez writers an economy-sized pack of multivitamins*

Exactly.

He's a regular hero.

Carefully.

Looks like he's found his own personal Portlandpotty.

Don the shades of truth! Do it for Rowdy Roddy.

I’m sorry but Nebron and VadBunker are totally alien names. And Harlon Braun is totally the kind of name a human protagonist in a bad sci-fi novel about aliens would have.

How the times have changed:

Filed to: CHILL POPE

Oh yeah, that happens. American grocery stores are the garden of earthly delights.

OH BOY