He reads like a sociopath from beginning to end.

.....I'd watch it

That would be one hell of a video!

You know how everyone borrows their friends pickup? Its like that, but an R34.

Every new paragraph starts off way that gives you the urge to import something illegally until you get to the "here's the problem" part and the urge goes away. Nice emotional roller coaster ride, this column and well written as always, Doug.

I did my first and last stand-up set on a dare two weeks ago, the key to it is to get stupid drunk so you don't remember anything.

I had a male friend who was friends with a girl who "friend broke-up" with him. She went off to college and sent him a package in the mail with stuff in it (idk what was in it, I think just some snacks and stuff) along with a note that basically said, "I'm friend breaking up with you." He, along with all our male…

I'm a chick and I always do the fade out because I hate drama and closure is overrated.

Do you think the Secret Service monitors the Lincoln bedroom when there are guests at the White House? Is the place bugged or do they rely on Lincoln's ghost to relay them information? BTW, I cracked up at the thought of Lincoln's ghost showing up mid-fap. Talk about coldwater shrivel. Maybe he'd go into an impromtu…

I found out the hard way a bunch of years ago that NJ considers a car abandoned after 2 hours on the turnpike. I had just bought a car and it broke down 25 mins away from the sellers house. Still 2 hours from my house. Luckily my wife was following me in our other car so I had a way home. I came back the next day with…

Not really, back when I purchased my previous car, I couldn't go to sleep because I was afraid someone would steal it while at work. I got out of bed at almost midnight to go out and buy a club. It was only a Chevy Malibu.

LSU is so bad about parking and towing, they keep 2 contract tow trucks on campus at all times. The "parking enforcement officers" (when they're not sleeping on their cart or double-parked in handicapped zones) videotape each towjob. I figure they watch the highlights and touch themselves inappropriately. The only…

Okay... lets load up the 'liberty ships' and send the king all the fuel and bullets he needs.

When we were buying our car, I was ready with all the right answers for the undercoat, clearcoat protectant, extended warranty and all the other bullshit they try to sell you. But my wife made it all completely unnecessary.

My husband's car was also new, which, big mistake too according to some theories. We kind of knew it was a mistake, but he'd never owned a nice car in his life, was making good money, and we kind of had a TREAT YO SELF mentality.

She has one possible defense, Bishops can only move diagonally.

That's how Dad did it. That's how America does it. And its worked out pretty well so far.

nope, I don't understand that - to me, a broken down, junked car is a car brimming with potential. No longer do I have to worry about scratching the paint, voiding the warranty, reducing the value of the car through questionable updates, or (worse) fanboys.

The consequences of the housing crisis and credit crisis I think are very different issues than what is at stake here. I get the sense that these cases have more to do with consumer protecting than anything else (though they're protecting the consumers as much from themselves as from predatory lenders). Another big…

soon I'll be able to go on a three day bender and my car will drive me guilt free between bars.