“That’s a big bear! That’s a big bear!”

Fortunate/unfortunate placement.

All sorts of feels going on right now, per my inner goth child.

My older brother and I have a friendly bet with each other - the first one of us to lose half or more of our hair through baldness has to grow a skullet to wear out the rest of our days.

Damn right.

Here’s the invoice from the last (and only) time I drunkenly purchased items from Amazon.com:

- A dog costume for Halloween... for the following year (bought in early November)
- Lionel Richie’s “Can’t Slow Down” 12”
- The Dirty Dancing Soundtrack 12”
- Pig Destroyer’s “Natasha” 12”
- A doormat that said “Wipe Your…

I knew I found that special someone during our date to see Mad Max: Fury Road, because halfway through the movie she leaned over and whispered “I’m going to jump your bones immediately after this masterpiece ends.”

Jesus Christ.

Yeah!

Heck yeah Baroness.

Zodiac, I’d love to buy you a beer while watching a Lion’s game just to hear you yell.

Ugh, St. Ignace is the worst.

Ned Beatty played the hardest part.

Oh Benny, you insufferable bastard.

He's probably a lot of fun to do drugs with.

The last wedding I went to was at one of my good friends’ in Minnesota, and the set up was that it was a small family affair, and that there would be, more than likely, very few single ladies in attendance due to size. There was about 40 people total at the wedding reception, and while we had a good time, we had…

I'm a lot of things, but a liar isn't one of them.

This song sounds like how a Bud Light Lime-A-Rita must taste.

HOW ABOUT 15 MINUTES OF PEACE AND QUIET?!?! GO BUG YOUR MOTHER!

“Vidal had a BAC of 1.2”