Enjoy it while it lasts, kid. Being a smart kid is hell as an adult. People have so many expectations for you, so many goals, so many AP classes. You have so much promise as a young thing, so bright and clever, and suddenly you look around and you’re sitting in your pajamas, watching Netflix, doing nothing with your…

He would have announced today but the Poland Spring delivery guy only comes on Tuesdays.

Nah, after that whole 47% thing that helped him lose the 2012 election, I don’t think he’ll run again.

She not only had an inappropriate relationship with him, but raped him repeatedly starting when he was thirteen years old. And she had two kids with him when he was still a child and she was more than twice his age. It’s had to completely warp his views on what a healthy sexual and romantic relationship is supposed to…

I do too. He was a fucking child. It’s almost like he has Stockholm syndrome when it comes to her.

First you let a witch bless your legislature, and next thing you know you’re diverting aid to Hogsmeade and spending half your defense budget on developing anti-Dementor weapons. It’s a slippery slope, Iowa.

I’m pretty sure if Jesus was there, he’d be all like “where the fuck did all these Pharisees come from?”

God I love when they’re all directly confronted with what inclusion means. If you’re gonna let one religion in, you have to let them all!

Flying on a plane with your period is just irresponsible. You want to attract flying bears? Because that’s how you attract flying bears.

Ruth Bader Ginsbark* approves**.

This is worth a read:

Yeah. We’re decades past the point where reunification was plausible. Even if the entire North Korean leadership was abducted by aliens one night, what would remain is a totally unindustrialized place populated by malnourished, uneducated, and desperately impoverished people. South Korea probably couldn’t fix things…

I admittedly know very little about the politics of this, the split happened before my time. I only know the countries as they are now. That being said, why on earth would she want them reunified? Their cultures are completely different now.

HAHAHAHA transatlantic flights are the worst things to be sick on. I spent my whole flight to Heathrow getting diarrhea and vomiting ALL OVER THE BATHROOM. Then my terminal was like literally a mile walking to customs. By the time I got to customs, the agents took one look at me, drenched in sweat, and they were…

The table in my company’s main conference room (used for board meetings, etc.) was bought at the bankruptcy sale of a porn production studio. I regularly recognize...sorry, I mean I’ve been told it was used in a number of popular productions.

The dialogue was so wooden and...offensive! Yeah! That’s it!

“And the plot was so unrealistic!

Is this appropriate?

The lolz come from the fact that, in order to be privy to this information, the mums and dads needed to be familiar with the latest offerings from Brazzers. You’d think they’d be embarrassed to admit it.

This reminds me of the April Fool's Viber stickers.