E. Jean said something ages and ages ago that has stuck with me like no other advice column words ever have.

Sadly, it is a flower vagina. On the upside, GP has eradicated the stigma and shame of all things “vagina”. My life is vastly improved. LOL.

My mother has never met Jennifer Garner, but she likes Jennifer Garner way more than me.

They’re still paying her for the 5 remaining columns in her contract. So it would have cost them the same to let her write those and then leave. Why make her leave now? 

Pacino and D’Angelo had twins. 

Most of Audrey Hepburn’s movies are like that. She falls in love with men 30 years her senior. She looks so young and ethereally beautiful and the men look like they are about to go to the community center to play bingo and talk about their hip problems. I love her, but those casting choices bother me a lot.

I forgot to add another of my favorites. In the original “Manchurian Candidate” Angela Lansbury was, in real life, only three years older than the actor who played her son. 

Gwyneth Paltrow is basically just the female version of that one guy who has a weird obession with making everything look like dicks.

You made me clinch...

I forget who said it, but a movie actress was talking about working with a famous Hollywood icon and said you know, when I got into films, so and so played my grandfather. Then he played my father and finally my husband. Had he lived, I’m sure I would have played his mother.

Yours too can be like this with regular jade egg use!

When I read that she was 40 and he’s 79, I was like, “The age difference was a factor? You don’t say?!” Who ever would have suspected.

That I did not know!

Beg pardon...is she standing in front of a floral vagina?!?!?

If ever there was a poster child for privilege, lack of introspection, and refusal to take ownership of stupid decisions caused by the aforementioned, it’s Gwyneth Paltrow.

Gosh, how rude of us to use her for our own conversation fodder, like she’s a common appliance or houseplant. Perhaps we should do Gwynnie a kindness and outright ignore her for a while. Obviously, she would prefer to launch tv shows, release books, and set up wellness conventions in complete obscurity.  Poor thing.

I bet you he’s exhausting, but I can not imagine him more exhausting than De Niro, who seems hellishly anti-social and just plain miserable.

There’s no crying in basketball!!!

I bet Al Pacino is the world’s most exhausting date. Like dating a husky on trucker speed.

addictions hard on everyone, I’ll never hate someone for cutting an addict out of their life, but I’ll also never hate an addict for being an addict.