So I don't want Alzheimer's, but I don't want cancer either.

Terrible. I can't believe that poor kid drowned after all.

That's what's known as a "Canadian gloryhole".

Schilling: I can't even control myself… this is horrible…take it off...TAKE IT OFF!!!

TELL US ABOUT THE TIME YOU READ A DEADSPIN ARTICLE ABOUT GETTING BLOCKED BY A SPORTS PERSONALITY AND THEN WENT AND ACTIVELY TRIED TO GET BLOCKED BY A SPORTS PERSONALITY

If these comments have taught me anything it's that my shit-talking game is pitifully weak.

Last year David Aardsma (pitching for the Mets at the time) tweeted that his bed was stolen from his new apartment in New York (weird, right?). It happened after he blew a save, so I said if he blows one again I'm coming back for the dresser. He blew it that night, and blocked me.

Hunter Pence likes the Mets

We must know: Which teammate is Judas?

Bath police is what my uncle used to call it :(

I feel we've been misled.

True.

(Powerade's are ribbed.)

'Funny' how you don't want to even acknowledge Bush's first pitch is a classic, especially given the context it was thrown in.

At least he didn't tuck in his jersey.