I remember those days, when my wife would get clogged milk ducks.  I’d make some hot compresses, and I’d have to chase the little bastards around the living room, finally pinning them down and trying to hold the warm wash cloths and hot water bottles onto the squirmy, squishy little guys. Then after a few minutes, my…

I would gladly take 6 months in club fed versus 6 years in club fed.

Fair. But, what? 6 months versus YEARS? And knowing that there’s a trail of evidence against her? Terrible choice.

Olivia Jade’s social-media shenanigans should be sufficient to convince anybody she had no business at even a middling university like USC.

Federal prosecutors win cases and the data is there to prove it. They do not fuck around. Not fucking around is number 1 on their list of responsibilities. It is their mantra. When they offer a plea you maybe try to whittle it down to no jail time, take whatever you can get anyway, and say thank you.

I mean, you’re the guy writing for a sports news website and I’m just an internet commenter avoiding doing actual work on a Wednesday morning, but I get the sense that Magic had literally nothing to do with LeBron getting to the Lakers - LeBron went to the Lakers because it was the best fit for him, his business, his…

The lesson in all of this is, of course: NBA Organizations, stop hiring NBA celebrities to do jobs that aren’t celebrity jobs and require real work and dedication. I’m looking at you, Knicks and Lakers.

Once I get married, I’ll never have to jerk again. Me at 12. 

Oh shit...This whole thing was just a snowglobe Bran kept looking at.

I take a healthy dose of fiber supplement daily. Cup of coffee and a tall glass of water first thing, and 99% of the time I can have a complete and satisfying purge on my own throne before I leave the house.

The guy who thinks you stop jerking off at 50 is like 18 max right? Man, what a stupid question.

What is the best time to take a dump?

All the stars.

Take them all you magnificent bastard!

Listen, I was 9 when the Tim Burton Batman came out too, but I try not to let it back me into bonkers takes like “Jack Nicolson was a better Joker than Heath Ledger.”

Being that it seems to be at a cemetery, it’s probably even *GASP* when young Bruce is visiting his newly deceased parents graves. HOW TWISTED!

Calling it now: the kid he smiles at through the fence is young Bruce Wayne

“Where are their parents? Seriously!” -R Kelly

“After the two girls got into a fight about cigarettes and abused an elderly lady.”