Anyone have any recommendations for how to regain my faith in humanity? Should I go see Inside Out again? I’m struggling right now.

Yeah! Change it’s name to ‘Cracker Cask’*!

I’m laughing right now, because if I don’t, I will kill myself with the pizza wheel I just found in our bedroom for some reason (why?).

Three eyes are better than two. What do you think Filet-O-Fish are made of?

Likewise, if you're going to climb up on your high horse and spout off smug, superior shit about how animals have souls and how anyone who eats meat should be ashamed of themselves...stop.

That's just wrong, appropriating clueless white culture by using our racial slurs. Also, by appropriating our culture of cultural appropriation.

If they made a bun that tastes like stuffing and put turkey and gravy or some cranberry sauce inside, with fries on the side filling in for mashed potatoes (with gravy for dipping!) then I might be interested.

I am on board the sexy cartoon animal train. At least my cartoon crush was anthropomorphic.

Who else will step up to maintain mayonnaise purity now that Unilever's suit, or Final Solution as they likely called it internally, has been defeated by Just Mayo and its Allies!?

Fortunately for the unnamed Derplord, owners Ellen Kassoff Gray and Tod Gray decided not to charge her and just eat the cost themselves, which frankly is way nicer than I would've been.

Totally worth it.

Of course, this is America! I gotta get PAID!

Do you think they'd sue me if I made a t-shirt that said "EAT LES CHIKIN" and maybe one of those circles with a line through it over the Chick-fil-A logo?

So, maybe just microwave that leftover pizza on a paper towel next time, at least if you've got a bun in the oven.

Makes me wonder what Dorito porn is like. Dorito Does Dallas. I imagine a face full of cheese dust at the end.

Like they changed "Legally beef, our lawyers checked" to "Big Mac."

That's an innovative way to get a yeast infection.

Jedis in a half shell!

I wanted onion halos but they only serve those at Burger King of Kings.

"They come for the atmosphere," Keilholz said. "They come because when you grow up around here, sooner or later your parents will drag you to Skyline and you learn at a young age to just love it."