Turns out a number 1 plus a number 1 does not equal a number 2.

His butthole is always crystal clear, however.

What’s it called? The Producers!

People reheat pizza? I mean, theoretically I knew it was possible but... still. I kid! Do whatever the fuck you want with your pizza. Yes, even that.

I might not pay money to watch that, but I would check it out on Mr. Skin.

Everyone’s delighted until that blue shell hits you right before the finish line. Then the screaming starts.

That’s quite a markup. At my local convenience store a MTN DEW only costs one bronze star.

Projection is not just a river in Egypt.

Leverage is my personal favorite. Either that or Person of Interest. I binge them both  couple times a year.

Her kids aren’t allowed to eat carbs you silly bear.

That’s not how tweets work!

I count it as cheating if a secret service agent jumps in front of every shell that comes his way. And that drone-fired blue shell at the end? Not cool.

My Switch is bisexual. You don’t see me making a big deal out of it.

Have you seen John Wick? Start there and see where the night takes you.

What about using two deviled eggs as buns instead?

If you film it you might get a Netflix deal!

What are these, cars for ants? How can we expect people to drive them if they can’t even fit in them?

The best Reese's are the ones in my mouth.

But then we won’t have the longest state name! We need a replacement. I suggest “State of Rhode Island and Yes We’re a State, Stop Asking”

I’m still waiting for my Nintendo DS XXXL. Prime Shipping indeed!