I've played every Pokémon game since Red and I have found only two shiny Pokémon: one Geodude I caught and a Rattata that I accidentally killed. Curse you fragile Rattata!

Dog, the first step is admitting you have a problem.

When the bacon was gone, she ate the bacon grease-soaked bread with some syrup and whipped cream.

There's nothing worse than fighting tooth, nail, and banana peel for first place in Mario Kart, only to lose it because a blue shell decided to saunter up and explode on your parade. Would you believe, though, that it's actually one of the best things about Mario Kart?

Use it in a sentence: I want to evolve into a sexual Charmeleon, but I faint every time I Charizard.

I have to pass the time on the train somehow!

There are too many unanswered questions for this to be relaxing. How is that frog so tiny? How did it get on the cat's head? Why doesn't the cat shake it off and murder it? Without the answers my brain cannot rest.

I'm not sure my septic system could handle a lifetime of Taco Bell. It's a chance I'd be willing to take though.

Yeah, I'm just gonna keep using my hands.

I wonder how pissed the Canadians would be if this happened.

I dub this crime Mattressturbation.

Make sure you bring some sandwich sherpas with you. You don't want to be caught in a meat avalanche.

She's lucky his giant plant-man sidekick didn't follow him in.

They've been forcing them to hand out fake Mexican food, this is just the logical next step.

"I was just trying to sell the flock toupees," said the wolf in sheep's clothing.

Also, I want a food + gumshoe name! Call me Nourishment Nancy Drew! NO! CARBO-HARDY BOYS.

Comparing rape to bike theft is just wrong. You should never ever steal another person's property. That's a serious crime.

Maybe if we renamed it to something cooler than 'fanny pack.' Maybe 'waist pouch' or 'side sack.'

I'm thinking... "Ramen Münchhausen."

I'm not really a big fan of the munchkin cat body type. Looks weird to me. Cute face though.