For a moment I thought the name of the ice cream was going to be "Rosebud Revolution." I was relieved to say the least.

"I warned you there would be dire consequences if you did not get me my Fancy Feast on time! You brought this on yourselves. Now arrest them officer!"

Jealous much ladies?

That kind of bullshit is unbearable.

Number 2 is totally going to be legally unable to get within 100 yards of George at some point in her life.

No cats within a couple miles of me. I had to report some pictures that weren't of cats because I am all about the integrity of the system. Does that make me a hero? Maybe.

This is almost as scandalous as the time the royal corgis were found tripping on mushrooms.

I'm jealous. I definitely don't have the stamina to jack all night long. I'm spent after like a minute of 'exercising.'

Don't let them get to the cymbals! Monkeys love cymbals.

Dat aft.

Now the need to come up with a Tinder or Grindr-like app to find people to look after your kids while you have sex with a stranger. They could call it Tender. Or Sitter. Do they still take the 'e' out at the end any more? Tendr, Sittr?

Ow, caltrops. Not cool ninja girl, not cool.

Won't somebody please think of the boner?

Damn blue shells. Every time!

My lame claim to fame: My dad used to work for a man that knows James Earl Jones.

If I were a woman and Adam Levine were offered at the market I shopped at I would take it as a sign to switch markets.

Bowser's face is the highlight of my day thus far. His only hope is to find a Thwomp to lure Peach under.

I did not know R. Kelly owned a cat.

So jealous, I only have this small pocket dictionary.

I've always had fat Fred Flintstonian feet. Breaking in new shoes is a pain. It doesn't help that I've inherited the gene making it impossible for me to spend more than $20 for sneakers.