That explains the flashlight I got in the mail. I think I got ripped off. Lemme check... YE GODS THE PAIN! Yep, definitely not what I ordered.

This one is very multicultural:

The cutest little assassins in the world. Yes they are!

Now imagine that inside the Fleshlight is deafeningly loud machinery that causes a pair of rings to grip the artificial-skin sleeve and move up and down at varying speeds.

If this is madness then I'm on the Doritos crazy train til the wheels fall off.

I still don't understand what 'rolling in the deep' means. Good song though.

I call this The Can Opener. Let's see how it works on food withholding robots.

Holy bath salts Batman, that guy was hungry!

Totally! If I saw that many clowns at a cemetery I wouldn't have any idea what God thought of gay people, but I'd be pretty sure he hated me.

Imagine if the WBC dressed as clowns while they protested.

You... you Super Size me.

I'm pretty sure Mayor McCheese is the only one in McDonaldland with the authority to officiate weddings.

I don't care what the calendar says, it's always the Year of Luigi to me.

Punch the rapists' dicks off. Just keep punching until it falls off. After they're convicted in a court of law of course. Conviction, then dick punching. I know they say violence isn't the answer but it feels sooooo good.

Next summer's blockbuster?

I had a guy named Lennie taking care of my rabbit but he was to rough. I hear his friend George took him to a nice place where he pet all the rabbits he wants.

Technically, wouldn't cold yoga be better for losing weight? Your body burns more calories when it's trying to keep itself warm. At least that's what I hear. I'm no doctor but I'm willing to put other people at risk of exposure if they want to pay for cold yoga classes. I could start a nationwide trend! I'll be rich!

This article about "Jennifer Lawrence's spray tan malfunction" hides a true gem in its depths: Jennifer Lawrence and Emma Watson doing fun antics in the giant orchid-room before the Dior show. [E!]

Clearly Santa's sleigh has an inertial dampening field around it. The reindeer droppings fall as the would as if the deer were running at a normal speed. Though once the feces leaves the dampening field it would accelerate and probably disintegrate at the speeds Santa would need to be traveling. Christmas + Star Trek…

Probably not Santa, he would have ordered milk. He is an ass man though, that much is true. The amount of time he spends facing nine reindeer's haunches has given him a real appreciation for the behind.