That's the same method Dr. Conrad Murray used to get out of his contract with Michael Jackson.

I threw over 200 touchdown passes

Later, after being informed they were back on the air, Chuck called the Weight Watchers representative who weighs him a "pussy".

I feel that way about my job sometimes, but only when I'm screwing around on Deadspin during work hours.

This incident will seem tame in comparison when she usurps his NFL draft-day interview to blame him for his father's abandonment of the family.

Hearted!

Congrats to the winners, and thanks to everyone for another year of the smartest and funniest comment section on the interwebs. I appreciate the opportunity to contribute despite being neither funny nor smart.

I was originally searching for sites that cater to necrophiliacs when I googled "dead spinners", but what I found was much more disturbing, and almost as hilarious, and I'm glad I stuck around.

A rejected rim on their wedding night is reportedly what started their marital problems.

The DVD of Michael Jordan's Hall of Fame acceptance speech, Air Your Grievances, did not sell as well as expected.

The only way to avoid that song is if everyday you're ear-muffling.

Also heading towards a final in the 70's: my grandfather's ability to maintain a natural erection.

I wish my former boss agreed, then maybe I wouldn't have been fired.

Good call, because I'm wearing jorts.

Your implication that most of the commentariat have jobs is a little presumptuous.

Floyd spiced things up

the Sixers have made it known they're not commenting any further

Just about an hour ago, a Twitter handle @NBAOfficials went live

Why is the joke so funny? Because the straight man let the jokesters shine.

They're not in real good shape up there.