He said “so every other play didn’t end with a shredded ligament.” Why don't YOU try some reading comprehension?

This one time in college I was at a bar while suffering from allergies. Red eyed and slightly drunk, my friend and I started a darts game with two other people. After five minutes, one cornered me and said, “do you like to party?”

To his credit, he’d been giving 10% of his upskirt videos to the church.

Men’s Swimming Olympic Gold Medals since 1896:

She should be speaking on the sanctity of deez nutz.

“Ooo someone from my stories!”

Spoiler: he dead.

It’s the least they could do. He does everything for them.

The Padres are responsible for driving away business from the Padres not the homeless.

To be fair, the Padres have a solid history of supporting the homeless. Heck, their entire current roster is full of bums.

“Mr. Hernandez strongly maintains his innocence, and I plan to establish that before a jury of his peers.”

Hey, my guys are busy this summer, don’t look at me.

When a player is charging the mound, the responsibility of every player on the pitcher’s team is to protect the pitcher. Machado wasn’t even charging the mound—he was limping the mound! Perez easily could’ve gotten in between them but just nonchalantly moseyed after Machado, and let the damage be done.

Dear Representative Daniel,

That package of tax/services breaks and land, at the heart of this minimally informed blog-gripe, was put to the voters in 1996.

Uh, no. But I have made a joke in a comment section.

That’s a lot of beverages (alcoholic and non-alcoholic) for a 13-minute “concert”. 5 t-shirts? 5 towels? Is he soaking the towels in juice and squeezing them into his mouth? Does he have a battery-powered towel squeezer which is why he needs all those batteries? I have so many questions.

1 loaf of whole grain bread with the most amount of grains?

Oh, he wants Trump Bread. The classiest, grainiest bread on the market. No Mexican buyers, please.

I need to ask my grocer if they carry whole grain bread with the most amount of grains.

I know! I’m from the north, so I never really cared about the confederate flag one way or the other, but the Duke brothers are just a couple good ol’ boys, never meaning no harm! I guess, in fairness, they have been in trouble with the law since the day they was born.