[Note: The Duke is the official name of the NFL game ball; Luck wasn’t asked if he was throwing John Wayne around.]

This Sandusky story just won’t die.

He was born to be wild.

you are the smart guy out there keeping us safe. phew.

All he needs is a good girl with a confetti gun.

Phil’s commitment to the triangle is unrelenting.

Don’t worry...it’ll be back down to $0 by next week. I kid, I kid! It’ll take at least a month...

Revised headline:

The nearest orthopedist.

I’ll believe Andrew Luck is healthy when I see him play, and maybe not even then

It’s a bit hypocritical of Kerr to criticize Trump and then blatantly copy his leadership style.

While we’re imagining nonsense, let’s pretend they found a way to fit James Harden, Russell Westbrook and prime-era Michael Jordan on the roster, too.

It’s not our fault you’re wrong on both guys! :)

Well luckily he still has his Bad Santa residuals to fall back on.

I’m still so annoyed that name is fucking Tennys. Apologize for that shit.

“hello the owner of this phone Courtney. I am buying an iPad.”

Non story. The only reason she was spotted under a highway underpass was simply because she was trying to get an interview with Johnny Manziel.

Rainn Wilson: “OK, I accept!”

Larry,

I’m not racist. I have white friends. Namaste!