Omg you poor thing. For such smart people doctors can be so dumb. I hope you’re feeling well.

I could probably produce a whole bunch of tales about this, but I’ll settle for the most recent outing, which contained no less than THREE things you’d rather not hear a doctor say. (And if any of my real-life friends read Jez comments, I’m about to doxx myself, so.)

Not MY doctor, but A doctor (I worked in OB/Gyn for 5 years, I heard a lot of gross stuff).

Illustration by Victor Juhasz

If she’s a fat piglet, what the fuck does that make him?

On a related note, I’m sort of surprised Caitlyn Jenner has yet to chime in with her own delusional defense of Trump’s behavior towards women.

How? I mean did Khloe molest a whole bunch of powerless men and then run for president on the family values platform?

So here’s a fun thought.

Holy fucking shit, I must be on some serious hallucinogens because I would swear that says LETTERS OF SUPPORT... FROM THE *VICTIM’S* MOTHER AND GRANDMOTHER... ASKING FOR THE RAPIST TO STAY IN THE COMMUNITY.

Thanks for all the FUCKING SUPPORT, Mom and Meemaw. I bet it means so much to your 12-year-old who was raped by a…

I wished for an October Surprise. This is like a month of Halloween. Like, after a few days, it’s not fun, anymore. You ate all your good candy, you have a stomach ache, you have to figure out what to do with the shitty candy, and your parents won’t let you take off your costume or wash off the day’s old makeup.

You’re chewing on the lamp cord again?

From what I’ve read elsewhere, he put Ivana in charge of the casino to keep her busy while he ran around with Marla. So, even that ridiculously sexist excuse is deserving of skeptical scrutiny.

Also, the dumpster is full of really stinky diarrhea.

Just set the world on fire. All of it.

I’m waiting to see whether Palin will defend him. I remember her being up in arms a couple of years ago because someone used the R word.

This election isn’t just a dumpster fire, it’s a dumpster fire careening down a hill, causing traffic accidents and slamming right into the side of an orphanage.

I put her with Kathleen Turner, Helen Mirren, and Emma Thompson in the Amazing Women You Would Have a Great Time Drinking With But Do Not *Ever* Want to Piss Off group. I should probably add Meryl Streep to that group, too.

“Bill Clinton said ‘retarded’ in 1983. That’s much worse!”

No no no, you’ve got it all wrong. He simply said that she sounds like she’s retarded. That’s it. That’s all! The liberal media is just spinning this non-story, like USUAL. It’s completely different to say that she *sounds* retarded, and not offensive whatsoever unless you’re a special snowflake with wittle baby…

I can’t wait for Marlee’s response to this. She is a great actress and a classy dame but when she wants to be vulgar she’s hilarious.