If _your_ dog poops, then pick that shit up. Bring some poop bags with you when you take your good boy for a walk. If you’re out for a walk and see someone else’s dogshit on a lawn, you have my express permission to think “What a colossal asshole that guy was” and keep walking.

It just sounds like she’s a woman, married to a mega-celebrity, who’s normally tired of having to talk to fucking TMZ every time she’s in public, but especially so since her husband just almost fucking died. But nah, probably just some female-on-female jealousy.

Not really. You can walk around with a fatal concussion for a good while until you slip into unconsciousness and die.

It’s like 50% they watch half the video, 50% read the headline and fill in the video with their preconceived ideas.

1. What the fuck are you talking about? 2. Fuck off.

You do, since you spent time clicking and commenting.

I very, very rarely criticize Taco Bell, because it’s my favorite of the big fast food chains, but...I’m not entirely on board with this move, unless they add more new items in. The power menu burrito in particular is unfortunate, because it was one of the few things I could order where I was at least pretending to be…

Yeah, chips and salsa sounds like complete bullshit.

It was just that thing where you try to repeat a joke at the party thinking they just didn’t hear you but it just bombs again.

Every damn key you suggested I used within the last hour. Guarantee you that the code running this website has plenty of brackets ‘[’, braces ‘{’, pipes ‘|’ and tildes ‘~’.

Sharapova should come back with a super witty zinger like “You made your fortune establishing a forum for places like The_Donald”. That would show him. 

Dunking on Russians is as American as apple pie

Rolled my eyes so hard I saw my own brain.

Someday I will get their game and then I will torture myself,

Sounds like someone needs a Galaxy 10 Chalupa.

“and TKTKTK winning Best New Artist”

Probably telling that the "Best Rock" category looks like it could have been taken from 2004.

There are a whole bunch of protestants and orthodox Christians who would take issue with your classification of the Pope. Unless you specifically mean Catholicism rather than Christianity.

“Jesus entered the temple courts and drove out all who were buying and selling there. He overturned the merch tables...”

Paul’s letter to the Corinthians: “Guys, we gotta move more merch.”