That's actually what I needed to hear. I spew out horrible things and say the most awful things ever, but only share them with people very close to me, who share my perverse humor. (The last thing was about a colleague with a brain tumor, and I told my husband, "Well, that's a funeral I'm going to enjoy not going to.")

I was a picked-on kid, too. Fat, glasses, zits (3d grade!) and a touchy smartmouth. However, I've lived long enough to see the big wheel of justice grind fine in a horrifying way. My supposed enemies have suffered alcoholism, AIDS, morbid obesity (former cheerleaders), abusive marriages, grasping relatives, illness,…

This makes more sense to me. Dealing with a bunch of other family (excluding pure-ass crazy people) seems to make one a tad more flexible than onlies. The exception I've seen is large families with 6-11 kids who tend towards religion. About half marry, and the rest are permanently single. The married ones skew toward…

It's just paint. Jeez. The artist is making a picture to sell. Nothing new here. There's tons of portraits from the last centuries that peel off pounds and imperfections. My favorite is one of a 19th century moneyed matron (sorry, can't remember name) with a head like a irritated gorilla. You could see where the…

Is there some tale floating out there that she doesn't speak to brother Eric, or not much? Inquiring mind wants to know, sorta.

"Must...not...dance....must...not... dance...ohgodleatherpants snuffle snuffle ARGH"

Good for you, Agent M. Send the pipe organ next time.

In the South (OK, Texas) I think they do this because every drink has shitloads of ice. The bigger the drink, the better the chances of pouring ice down your cleavage. Yargggh.

I'd just spy on you through Dream Suite (if you're signed up).

You realize what you risk posting your code on a public forum...Mwah hah hah! Sweet D is gonna check you out.

I want Cranston! What a dick! Peppier than the girl residents in City Folk that would only snark about fashion, those shallow bitches. This game just keeps getting better and better.

I wanna know too, but only to figure out if I'm a shirt-tail relative of these nutcases.

You can drink beer on trains in Australia?

Heh heh. "Wine baby." Guess I got me a Twizzlers and Oreos and pizza baby.

I think LaBelle has a Groucho nose/mustache/glasses mask if you want to refine the look.

Related: Best catch phrase ever, "unlike you."

When I was younger, my brothers and I made fun of my grandma (behind her back) for taking photos of dinner and buffet tables prepared for family gatherings. No people, just food. I don't think it was to make the food taste better - those dinners were a huge fucking amount of work. Everything was homemade, including…

Leeches. Nightmare fuel for life.

Go on....

In Animal Crossing City Folk I would send residents new carpets and wallpaper if I didn't like their taste. Haven't tried it in NL, but I'd send some lovely furniture or dolls. Grungy AND freaky.