This one time when I was tiny, I played a sheep in the church's Christmas nativity play and I wandered off the stage to find my mom which made my Sunday school teacher nearly shit a brick in rage. Now my parents mention it every single year at Christmas, bonus points if I've brought a date home.

Church didn't have air conditioning or fans and I fainted from the heat. #RupertsFault

Queen Wizard JK Rowling is on fire today.

I work with people AALLLLLLLLL day. I have a finely developed appreciation for people who take no shit from those people and a keen respect for management that doesn't throw itself into every mud puddle so the customer can walk all over them and their staff. The customer isn't always right. Sometimes the customer is a…

Yeah I put that together after seeing another of your comments. Way to own your whining, at least! ;)

Y'know, for such a storied lot of tough-as-nails lone cowboys, Texans sure can be a whiny bunch.

If there is anything more despicable and cowardly than this...grown men too pussy to go to their own deaths they have to send a baby to do their mass murder for them. I fucking hope there's a god and I fucking hope there's a hell and I fucking hope they burn in it forever

...uh, you do know I'm a Texan, right? You do know I went to school at UT and was a member of the capitol press corps? Oh, and I did my graduate work at another Texas university in government and political science? Uh huh. I thought not.

Texas also gave us Molly Ivins (RIP). She cancels out an awful lot of stupid.

I think this has to be in the top 10 most traumatic things that can happen to you. I'm assuming that anyone who wasn't aware that they were pregnant obviously wasn't trying to get pregnant, so on top of going into labour with absolutely no preparation, they have the total mindfuck of now having another life completely…

If only they gave a shit about the 30,000 pain feeling american humans that are killed by guns every year.

If you are trying to pretend that you're still the young buck when you're my age, it just doesn't work.

Hey, Fox News is outraged over a millionaire buying a luxury good. That's new.

Did he throw up on any prime ministers at said fancy dinner? No.

i showed my mother the photo and before i could tell her what happened she said, "ebola is horrible"

I can only imagine that having to wipe a person's ass, repeatedly through out the day, is a serious turn off.

lol he spelled manboob wrong.

Herman Monster is what he will also be most famous for, Gilmore Girls notwithstanding

Goddammit. Cheney is still kickin and Edward Herrmann is dead. It's not even fair.

"Do you know what marrying means?" Nephew: "Yes, to always dance together."