But why

Can that purse even FIT her stack of benjamins?

True, they could be Stalin, grad they took care of it swiftly.

I just hope this doesn't Schindler Mcdonald's sales.

Yeah, I've gone to like 7-8 professional trainings. I'm glad it shows!

She walks on a cloud at all times. It's small but it's there.

Ugh. I bet he's on the fence about all the important issues too. FLIP FLOPPER!

I've been looking for a reason to use this one so whatever

I learned to NEVER hang out with the Blue Twirlypops. Boy, were they annoying.

Absofuckinglutely. You can order it on Amazon. My...friend...told me.

More like NUDEZDAYYYYY!!! UP TOP!

Try again girls...THIS is silly

Not the cream of the crop by a long shot

Hay! Saddle up and throw your hat in the ring in the spur of the moment! Don't be so sheepish.

Damn neighsayers, don't have a cow over it.

We be on our suit and tie, suit and tie, suit and tie

Don't freak out guys...but Brenna's dad has a GUN for a hand.

A man I waited on asked me if I would pretend to be his daughter while he panhandled because I had cute freckles and looked young for my age. I thought it was a really sweet compliment and gave them all free fountain bevs, which is basically the nicest gesture I could ever fathom personally.

Oh okay so I'm indecisive? I think I got my spells done pretty quickly on Pottermore today. Judgy assholes!!! BACK OFF MY SHIT!

I'm scared to post this in case she reads it for some reason, but a friend of mine went in to get a tiny heart on her foot and left with a tommy gun shooting out sparkly hearts and stars...we were brunch-drunk on Easter and afterwards she told me it was my fault for making her unweddable and unladylike. I honestly…