I’ve stopped reading that assholes twitter feed and I feel much better overall.

Maybe it’s just me, but tweeting a threat kinda loses some of its tough-guy menace

Hmmm...that sounds more of a Shelbyville idea.

“Now Dan, when you said ‘light in the loafers,’ you just meant ‘not consequential, correct?” she interjected, noting “people might think something else.”

You mean Tomatoface? He’s entirely predictable with his brand of idiocy

President Trump is presented with team swag while welcoming 2019 NCAA women’s basketball national champions, the Baylor Lady Bears, to the White House. “Am I allowed to wear it? I’ll mess up my hair, but that’s OK,” Trump jokes as he tries on the hat

In addition to the fee, Trump called for all asylum seekers who enter the country outside of the designated ports of entry to be denied any type of work permits.

People who still liked George W. Bush but could be convinced that his less-charismatic brother was also worth supporting proved a pretty soft group.

She’s not blonde, so how is she qualified for this gig?

Dammit. didn’t scroll down!

who’s the Paul Lynde in this scenario?

Marvel movies? Really?

No one cares about your boner, Moby.

I work in the industry. When your license expires, why wouldn’t you need to renew if you continue to use it?

Man, I forgot about Ted’s stupid beard. It’s like he was turning into a werewolf, and was hit with a silver bullet mid-transformation

Gilbert Gottfried reading this or ftw

Sawed-off fingers? No, Trump’s fingers are so short they seem like it.

Lol. You’re welcome!

What are the odds Trump wants to or has already fucked Jeanine Pirro ? 

Nazis were sharp dressers, too. Hugo Boss felt very, very strongly about looking good.