(penalty handed down)

I played beer pong with Justin Tuck in college at ND as he lived down the hall from us. He hit every cup he threw at, but he wouldn’t throw randomly - he would (1) ask who was drinking on the opposing team, (2) if you were thirsty (always) and (3) which cup you’d prefer to drink. He then hit that cup every damn time.…

/groans

The nerve of some peephole...

Well done Will. Very well written.

*when the media started paying attention to epidemic of police violence,

I’ve heard a lot of guys brag that if they ran, they’d trip over their own dick, but this is the first time I’ve actually seen it happen.

That's at least a 7.2. Not sure what the 40 time was.

Translated from the Russian: And of course, Steph Curry hits the long range 3 for the win. An inevitability just like the slow creeping onset of winter, crushing the joy from the people and reminding us all of the impending nature of our own deaths. You can see it on the Thunder players’ faces. You might think from…

But for that money, ticket-holders will get to see their first round draft pick, who could be a #1, play!*

(*A couple of times a year, when the Celtics visit.)

Prosecutor: “Now Mr. Pierre-Paul, is the man who tweeted your medical records in the courtroom today?”

so YOFAGO

Some things just are.

A better question is, “You just found out your true love has been fucking a goat every three months. Are they still your true love?”

Because the Nets exist.

that’s the most millenial hipster shit i have ever heard

It’s late and for a second I forgot context and thought “Chris Kluwe’s dad comments here?”.

Nice, you nailed that one!

I have a feeling people will have a very Dele’d response to this one.