You give me my maraschino cherry on top, or give me death.*

“They know exactly what works and what don’t work out in the dessert.”

....so, fudge topping and sprinkles, but hold the maraschino cherry?

Ford’s version: drive both at 80 mph and you decide which is crude.

A Jeep sales person:
“This new Bronco may look interesting to you, but the Wrangler have a V8. Someday. I promise”

When Jeep’s first “Advantage” is heritage, my response is,

You know they are desperate when they are citing yet to be released models as advantages.

Uh....So it’s crap?

...a couple of zip ties threaded through some awl-punched holes in the rear plastic trim...

To be clear, I’m not trying to be a dick here, but based on their previous articles, I don’t get the impression Westbrook or Shilling are spending their free time in the shop. 

Gotta say, not totally sure what the appeal of an old mountain bike is. Everything about them is worse than a newer bike, but not in the good way a vintage car is. And $150 will get you a decent used bike.

Given the current staff of the New York office, he would need to look elsewhere. 

Dude.....Just buy a modern mountain bike. 

....yeah. Often struggling to get his cars into decent shape in zero-inspection Michigan. My pessimistic guess is that the TUV is going to fail him repeatedly until he gives up, making for a very sad instragram thread. Or whatever social media the kids will be using by then.

He needs to take it to be inspected at the closest place Germany has to an Arkansas.

OH god. I just realized you’re going from wrenching in “WHAT INSPECTIONS” Michigan to dealing with  TUV 

Looks like your fuel system is set up for an external combustion engine.

There is a Youtube channel called M539 Restorations... laborious guy puts serious elbow grease (and deutschmarks) into getting his cars prepped for TÜV inspections. I have the feeling the TÜV guys are going to laugh you out of the place the first time you go to get your Frankenvan inspected.

Epoxying a lamp will not impress a German inspector. They are fierce on that sort of stuff, there is no way they’ll overlook the crack.  The headlamp and turn signal are going to need to be replaced, I’d put money on it.

“I’ll be buying new badges from eBay, because these are badges of honor, and my minivan deserves them.”

I remember selling my 92' Eagle Talon off the side of the road (where the ECM finally crapped out for good) to a young Russian fellow. He showed up with a truck to tow it and handed me the cash.