If being a gay guy with a twitter account and some knowledge of photoshop ("more is more!") is all it takes to qualify as a model these days, I'm looking forward to all the Vogue Italia covers I will be bumping Ronaldo from.

I'm not going to call you a homophobe (and it's been ages since I read the books), but I think to anyone but the most clueless hetero dude, the whole teenage Dumbledore gets out of character due to unrequited love for his hot straight friend who has his own agenda is a fairly obvious (and familiar) gay trope.…

A non-exhaustive list of things polyamorous people love:

As a dues-paying homosexual, I'm frankly not particularly upset/concerned about your or anyone's gut reaction to gay kissing. We mostly can't help feel what we feel. But I would hope you'd be able to put that reaction aside and let someone, who by all accounts seems to be a pretty decent guy, enjoy kissing his…

Wendy Williams' seemingly universal professional/love-life advice to all unmarried famous black women over the age of 26 is to quit trying to make a career happen, move to England and troll the House of Lords for some elderly peer who's "down with the swirl."

Forget wearing a white dress. I feel like if you really wanted to be that girl at a gay wedding, what you need to do is under the guise of a "toast to the couple" announce to the assembled party that as someone who once open-mouth kissed a girl for like two minutes at a kegger in sophomore year, you're so glad to…

I will support Kathie Lee in any endeavour that keeps her too busy to foist any more gruesome broadway musicals about sparkpluggy lady-Christians of yesteryear on an unwilling nation.

As a son of that province, I can tell you that the people I come from love nothing so much as one-sided feuds with people who are only vaguely aware of Manitoba's existence — and that Jonathan Toews would have to shovel everyone's driveways for life before Manitoba forgives Chicago for that drunk guy snatching Pardy's…

It looks like something a fundamentalist Mormon sister wife who ran away from the compound would wear to her first day of adult literacy classes.

The gals in the Party Time Formals ad look like they're headed to the AVN awards where they are up for best all-girl group scene: milf -granny division.

I firmly believe that the greek yogurt wars are a ploy by the one percent to create dissension among the liberal upper middle class.

This is the Nice Guy version of surprise anal. Discuss amongst yourselves, shitasses.

Today I learned that when it comes to online dating:

Miley Cyrus? As if. That faux-cornpone vampiress Taylor Swift is going to pounce on this one the minute he and those dogs clear customs.

If anyone was in any doubt as to what the "thug" equivalent is for gay athletes, it's definitely "who cares? This isn't news! Why is everyone pretending like this makes him a hero?"

At every other gym I've ever been to, men have always done the heavy-lifting when it comes to gym crazy - not so at Equinox SoHo.

GUP (gay until parole) is to red states what LUGs are to blue states.

Ask Ramona Singer where she shops. She's forever shit talking Countess Luann's mothering abilities in dresses exactly this shade of blue.

RE: Damian Lewis. Minnie Driver pulled the lady version of this shit back about ten years ago when she made some faux-bemused remarks about how strange it seemed to her that Judi Dench was playing Cleopatra at the National Theatre
given what an old heifer she is.

If your "sick burn" about someone is that they are gay, you are starting from the premise that this is an effective way to clown on them because we gays are contemptible/ridiculous/etc. So, it doesn't really matter if you make said "sick burn" using the polite terms for us as approved by the muckitymucks at Big Gay,…