If it's any consolation, all the IT guys at my work already think every man who isn't an IT guy is gay and somehow, paradoxically, stealing all the irrational sluts who only put out for rich guys (read: single women under 40) away from them. Maybe yours are the same?

Thank you, Playboy, but I think Woody Allen, Philip Roth and most of mainstream pornography already made it clear what men really want: goyishe pseudo-lesbian blondes with low self-esteem and the occasional asian chick.

Fancy cake displays and diamonds are to vaginas what firearms and Lamborghinis are to penises.

I think it's part of the human condition that every modestly funny person on the planet is convinced that they have something perceptive to say about how hilariously fraught the mating process is, and how they (and the other members of their gender that they presume to speak for), while prone to petit mal dumbfuckery,…

I hear you. I can't count the times I've rapturously moaned about the benefits of deregulating the financial sector prior to orgasm.

I'm no women's fashion expert, but most of the Marchesa that I've seen on the red carpet struck me as being about as interesting and "high fashion" as your average moderately expensive prom dress and super "girly" in the most tired and fussy sense of the word (they always look like they've been inspired by cupcakes.)

Camille Paglia and Brett Easton Ellis are a couple of sad old has-beens who clearly hate themselves for being gay and who have decided that their "contribution to the discourse" is going to come in the form of wanky trolling for the patriarchy (and slobbering all over heterosexual celebrities who wouldn't piss on them…

I love that his "muse" for that one was butterfly ankle tattoo come to life Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Meanwhile at the offices of Cosmo:

Not pictured: Melania Giudice (of "Melania, you have so much muscular legs when you do gymnastics" birthday song fame) piledriving a ponytailed PR assistant named Bronwyn at #fashionweek.

Even though Shosh is the most broadly drawn of all the girls, she's easily the most loveable and (thanks to Zosia Mamet's superb chops as a comedic actress) watchable character on the show.

"The world is now my oyster" — yet another example of how the lesbo-normative hegemony constrains everything right down to our popular idiomatic phrases! Truly, the brave work of heterosexual awareness has just begun!

This is all pure supposition, but arguably, his teammates would have started giving him some side-eye if he continuously gave them the "I'm focused on winning" excuse as to why he wasn't availing himself of ND's co-eds. That answer might fly if some avuncular local sports reporter asked him if there was a special girl…

I definitely agree that having Fantine sing I Dreamed a Dream after she has been forced into prostitution is much more effective.

Consider the source, friend.

That someone with a personal aesthetic that is like a half-step down from Courtney Stodden is supportive of "slutty" Halloween costumes hardly strikes me as an example of non-judgemental behaviour.

Bride-to-be, studying science at the graduate level, kitten avatar - it's like the perfect storm of social tone-deafness signifiers.

I'm not particularly qualified to offer comedy writing advice, but it seemed like he spent waaay too much time and energy belaboring the whole "dog wedding" thing, which frankly isn't something anyone actually has to deal with it (an odd choice when you're trying to write a "populist" observational humor piece).

Come on, guys. Buying gifts for other people (that involve blissfully empty calories, no less) can be very triggering for snarling bog banshees like Coulter.

I think the larger claim here is that happiness can be achieved in Kansas City, MO. I ain't buying it.