Nope. BFA in Musical Theatre nonsense. I'm out.

This author is the Slutever chick from Vice, right? Yawn-mean, try-hard loucheness is pretty much their brand. It doesn't work on Jezebel, at least not for me.

Worse, the inside of the card read:

That 'Mary Mary - Truth Behind the Split' headline next to their wedding announcement is some particularly bad layout feng shui for our boys here. Just saying.

The cutout pants: for Log Cabin Republicans who like to go to the Folsom Street Fair but don't want to give up their khakis.

Yes, anybody who has ever seen a National Geographic documentary can attest to the fact that the natural world is a pitiless place.