A con artist, a fascist, a rapist, and a KGB agent walk into a bar. Bartender says, “What’ll it be, Mr. President?”

If you’re willing to be the back half of a moose, I’ve got a plan...

I’d imagine that Gisele’s private investigators have that beat pretty well covered, for the inevitable divorce.

No. 1 cracker is anyone who puts Wheat Thins at No. 1

If you don’t want to feel hopelessly depressed for the future of humanity, witness the negative gamut of instant entertainment and mass technology, and be faced with the most pessimistic views on mankind’s primal tendencies then yeah switching over to Black Mirror is probably the lesser of two evils.

It’s true, and Deadspin and the rest of The Sports Media has always had an East Timor-coast bias.

Typical nobummer administration weakness. A REAL president could have negotiated with the waterslide industry to cut slide costs down and get the interstate built. We could have had a fun way to get to work everyday but NOOOOOOOO WELL ALL THATS GONNA CHANGE NOW ISN’T IT

I saw Jolly Pup open for Imperious Cat at the Roseland Ballroom.

Why can’t we? Maybe Not every night, but Saturdays and Sundays are surely do-able.

Paul Finebaum Abruptly Ends Radio Segment After Falling III

He should have known the kale wasn’t good. KALE AIN’T PLAYED NOBODY, PAWWWLLLL

I reject this notion that Italian wedding soup and tomato soup are crazy soups. Granted they’re not staples like chicken noodle, but I consider both of them to be normal-ass soups.

Lancaster Bible College’s sublime second half rally to win showed they are well qualified to represent the LBC.

Quoth the Raven, nevermore.

omg

“New Balance footwear would like to announce the signing of endorsement deals with three Cavalier players...”

I want you to have this conversation and I want to be on speaker phone.

“No, no, now Lou, nobody called anyone a J.T.”

Listen, if they wanted to know specifics about how things were run the person they should be talking to is the Specific Manager.

Also, Samer’s dad reads Playboy for the articles.