This is the zest video I’ve seen all week!

I don’t know which Deadspin staffer was responsible for this, but thanks for the anal rape. Best wishes.

Interesting thing how this tragic thing happens to this guy, and none of the “it’s too soon you can’t make jokes” people are out in the comments.

The other side of the sign reads:

Take a star in advance for jamming up your piece-of-shit neighbors! I’m trying to think outside the box... I may celebrate the holiday by calling the police on myself. I think it’s in the spirit of NCTPOWPD, especially when you consider that the folks getting the police called on them everyday aren’t doing anything…

Equivalant fatal (LD50) doses.

How absolutely dare you, sir?

Go figure. The Browns draft a guy with all the makings of a franchise quarterback and he goes out and commits a murder on national TV.

I’ll never forget the time my older brother snuck me into the Beachland Ballroom in like ‘97 to see River Pickle open for Lagwagon and Screeching Weasel.

This seems as appropriate a place as any to tell that FirstNameUnknown cornball to suck my dick from the back.

No writer attribution? Cowardly.

All water in Pittsburgh is poop water.

I will apologize for absolutely nothing.

Oh no, they’ve already gotten to me! The evidence is all around us! Why else would I spell ‘cite’ as ‘site’?! There’s no other explanation!!

Let’s make this a highlight truther thread...

I met a girl on Bumble whose dad would only turn on his phone to make calls, essentially using it like a cordless landline phone.

I don’t have a lot of experience with out of town geese, but Cleveland geese don’t give a fuck. I was stopped for like 5 minutes today while a gaggle congregated in the road to discuss whether to cross. It was like they owned the fucking place.

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More realistic kicker to returner ratio...

He rolled his eyes because you failed to give a pedantic 7 minute explanation of his infraction.