Damn, what a sad story. I know sending thoughts and prayers after a tragedy has become somewhat of a cliché, insincere gesture, but you can’t help but think of his loved ones as they grieve such a tragic, unexpected death.

‘I’m far from a plant, as my AVClub comment history of 10 years can attest...’

I’m just going to say it... That dunk is overrated.

I give this one and half thumbs up.

Bobody’s Nurfict.

All of those college kids? Or pretty much every senior at those high schools?

I’m currently considering faking my death in a fantastical way in order to set up a GoFundMe page. These student loans aren’t going to pay themselves.

Are you Fred Hoiberg? Because if you are Fred Hoiberg you have to tell me, otherwise it’s entrapment.

Yes. I didn’t know that was a soccer term — or any term for that matter— but that’s a pretty good description. Stars definitely get more calls in the NBA, but I’m not sure the officials are going to call a travel on anyone if they take an extra step or two 70 feet from the rim with no one else even in the shot.

I think it’s really important that he stayed calm and didn’t get too wrapped up in things.

Upon further review, I rescind my previous comment.

Can you simultaneously be incapable of standing up straight while also be incapable of bending over at the same time? What’s that called? Because he’s that.

His torso is only 2 heads tall.

Their moral outrage got run over by Billy Bush’s bus.

Conservatives said Obama wanted to take their guns. He didn’t, but Trump started openly recommending taking guns without due process. Conservatives said Obama wanted to suspend the Constitution and become a dictator. He didn’t, but Trump openly makes jokes and acts like an unstable maniac. Why, if I didn’t know…

I remember hearing something similar. I don’t, however, remember where I heard this — perhaps on TV, perhaps in your dream, who am I to say? Someone said they were going to dump all 68 teams at the beginning, which I interpreted as a just list of 68 teams because I’m an idiot.

You must be talking about the time Craig James killed those 5 hookers in college. Do you think Craig James locked any of those 5 hookers he killed in college in a closet?

Go ahead... Try to eat cake. We dare you!

“I’m just gonna get a little closer to the cur- *scrrrrrpp*”

“The Catholic church would never indorse anyone who was, or was closely associated with, a prostitute!”