Neither of those happened in NASCAR.

If Pierzynski ever decides to finally retire, it seems like he could have a great post-baseball career as a member of the LAPD.

Gotta feel respect for a man capable of holding the thoughts “THE MUSLIMS ARE JUST NAZIS WAITING TO HAPPEN: FEAR THEM!” and “You know, the Nazis had some damn fine ideas” in the same head.

Mental health issues can be terrible. You inevitably feel like it’s you vs. yourself.

Lest you think I’m some loser, I have a strong career in politics and a scuba license.

Also, the plot point of the Dolphins being in the Superbowl seems pretty far-fetched these days.

Monday Night. To Vinny “Still The Buccaneers Career Yardage Leader” Testaverde.

Ha, this has been said of like half the teams so far. The answer we were looking for was the Tennessee Titans.

The Dolphins replaced their happy Dolphin jumping through a hoop logo with one floundering while gasping for its last breath, which has to be the most on-brand logo change in history.

The Dolphins should tank and lose on Porpoise.

What? He was 15-17 in Miami.

Um...pretty sure that’s Dilma Rousseff, President of Brazil. It doesn’t take a sharpshooter’s eyes to see that.

Part of being pro-choice is being pro CHOICE. You would have made a different choice if you were in her shoes. That doesn’t make it ok to condemn her choice. You think her not get getting an abortion is wrong. Pro-life people would think you were wrong for getting one. Being a judgmental asshole is being a judgmental…

Well, since she’s the one who’d be getting the abortion, it’s really her personal beliefs that matter in this situation, not yours, isn’t it?

Too bad about all those dead hookers, tho. They were whores, but someone loved them, even if it wasn’t Craig James, who killed them.

I was hoping you’d go back in time to prevent those five hookers from being killed, you inconsiderate schmuck.

Says the guy supporting the killer of 5 hookers.

Literally, you’re a pedant. Figuratively, if you get this worked up over internet commentary, your heart is going to explode.

Good Kinja.

This lawsuit is a slam dunk. If there’s any media outlet that refuses to host the opinions of white Christian men, it’s Fox.