As much as I’ll miss the Mikes, I was excited to hear that Calabro is the replacement. Couldn’t have done much better.

#AlwaysSchilling

I want Pete Rose to be allowed into the Hall of Fame the day after he dies, because the Hall of Fame is, in the scope of the world, pretty meaningless, and Pete Rose can eat shit.

Shut up.

Same. Kingsley is as wonderful as he is horrible. Fredbird just sucks.

Diana, you are the MVP of Gawker Media.

Lark, is that you? Please get some help.

FACT: Bears eat beets.

Christy Walton got her money from her rich white husband, who got it from his rich white father. And Liliane Bettencourt got her money from her rich white father. Try again.

If Jameis Winston, Ray Lewis and Greg Hardy were just three regular black dudes, all three of them would probably be in prison right now. If Brock Turner were just some white dude, he’d probably still be out of jail by the end of the year.

His story has been...inconsistent, to say the least.

5. Stay away from the cans!

Nah, I'm going to be voting for Hillary because I actually give a shit about women having access to reproductive care, trans people being able to piss without being arrested, and minorities not being treated like an inferior species.

You’re a fucking dunce.

Not anymore! https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?…

1. I had the hiccups for an entire week once. It would start with hiccups every 1-2 seconds, then they would slow gradually over the course of a couple hours until they were 4-5 seconds apart, then stop. Then start the whole cycle again within 15 minutes. My doctor started with acid reducers to see if reflux was the…

Just because you're an idiot doesn't mean the rest of us have to be.

Yeah, this is pretty bad. What's up with that?

Also, this fucking guy:

My younger brother was born in 1988. I finally had to consider that he’s not a child anymore, since he’s been married for nine years and has two kids. I am also old.