Juan Wang to rule them all

When I saw Fight Club, the part that disturbed me the most was Brad Pitt peeing off his condoms into the toilet. I was like, “IT GOES IN THE GARBAGE, ASSHOLE.” Only paper in the toilet, people. Only paper.

I can’t stand cap sleeves.

But I will share with you. Because I am nice like that.

I hate Carrie so much for that.

You will also never find a men’s tee with CAP SLEEVES. I don’t know who told you we all wanted to show our armpits all the time, women’s tee designers, but they lied.

We only live 7 hours apart, but I have two small kids plus a full time job and he works around 70+ hours a week so finding time and money to see each other is difficult. We are working on the kids and I possibly moving there, but that would be a major life decision to make... We’ve also never lived in the same city.…

I predict the event will just be Hope Hicks throwing raw eggs at passing children while Stephen Miller shrieks “ENJOY YOUR LAST BIG GOVERNMENT HANDOUT, DICKBAGS!”

oh oh god. i can’t read today and read that as “pussy ODORmetter” instead of odometer.

Off topic... how is the long distance thing working for you? I’m giving it a go and it’s hard not to constantly say “I miss you.”

Jake was my first hollywood crush, Ryan was soon to follow. They are amazing!!!

“you gonna put a lot of miles on yourself down there, come on.”

Skeezers? Is this a term I some how missed?

I never understood the whole “lots of sex ruins your vagina” thing. People only ever apply that logic to having sex with multiple partners.

My favorite is the mileage part. It would never cross his mind that perhaps some women enjoy having lots of sex with lots of partners and remain unbothered by Tyrese’s thoughts.

WE, however, do have something to celebrate.

Me on friday, at 9:30 “Headphones, using my iphone to call in, now mute.”

I can’t find it, but I did find this:

Best thing about airport bars is that no one judges you for ordering a glass of wine at 9am, because time is irrelevant in airports.

The name should have been retired after Michelle left in the same way sports teams retire numbers when they stop playing