No.  Fuck off.  No money for your stupid church.

Set it up so the accountants have a fishbowl backstage with the names of every person in the first four rows and we get a camera shot of them picking it all night.   Then we get Darrell Hammond doing, “STEVEN SPIELBERG, COME ON DOWN!  YOU’RE THE NEXT PRESENTER ON OSCAR NIGHT!”

Well, let’s not include the rooftop owners in this; they’re freeloaders charming people for a view and the Ricketts can block them as much as they like in my opinion.

Oh. This whole time I thought people were having a weird thing about wanting to play wearing Sam Raimi’s suit.

Now look, I don’t mean to mock this movie too much; it’s a tear-jerker, sad ending...but good god, what kind of a mortician doesn’t cover up the bee bites?

Check our Edge of Seventeen, which she’s terrific in (and it also has an excellent Woody Harrelson role).

And that story is why Amy is a comedy god and Fallon is..well, Fallon.

I do love watching people freak about a somewhat deserving inductee, like Harold Baines, gets in while an undeserving cheater like Bonds is left out. It’s pretty damn nice.

Can we not just say “Murderer D J Durkin”?

Congratulations, well play with this article and c’mon, I think we all want to know the story of your father and the barbershop, please.

All of which is covered under universal, accessible health care.

We don’t have universal, accessible health care.

Remember, the BBWAA inducted Mike Piazza (who admitted to using PEDS in his autobiography, something everyone seems to glide over). Let’s not pretend their record of voting players in is flawless. 

I feel like I need Charlie to explain the connections here.

His look of despair at that Jets tweets and then trying to parse out what the hell is going on with Bill Simmons’ is such a damn delight.  

I looked up who this dipshit is and hooooo boy does she have a lot of terrible on her resume.:

 
Is there an available quarterback who might have belonged there, or at least played forcefully enough to give his team a chance in the way that Sanchez so clearly couldn’t? The answer is so obvious and routinely proven that I don’t even need to mention his name.

Hey, it’s not Jimmy Kimmel so I think we’re all winners.

Once again, there is no such thing as ghosts.

I make a London broil seasoned with salt, black pepper and dry mustard. It’s delicious.