I will quit my teaching job before I allow someone to arm me. Period.

In the poll, you should have a “yes, she’s awful but I wish she was bitchier” option.

::raises hand:: I am. Sorry. I disagree entirely with her on most issues, and I’m very upset by the fact that killing PP is the hill she wants to die on, but damn if she can’t command a room full of bloviating old white men. She fascinates me and I totally want to share a couple of bottles of wine with her.

Jesus Christ, yes. Fucking nobody gets educated about what hymens actually are.

#GoodThingIWantASapphireYouDickwad

“precum pregnant” is one hell of a bummer of a phrase

One 24-year-old woman told me that her boyfriend broke up with her because ‘he told me that I wasn’t girlfriend material because I had been with 10 guys

Once, as a teenager, I worked for a couple hours as a favor to my friend’s dad, handing out free samples of this really terrible energy bar at Costco. People will eat literally anything if it’s free and in a small accordion paper cup. This bar tasted like dirt rubbed in poo with some raisins in for a hellish texture…

Scene- My bedroom, 2 AM, after a bottle and a half of wine.
Players (In a theatre sense, not like, a gross way to say ‘lovers’ or whatever)- My husband and also my me.

We were young, early 20’s, shitty on wine, having laugh sex, where we sort of clumsily bounced around the bedroom, laughing and not totally putting all…

White people always be scared of non white people like white people aren’t the ones killing everyone.

I would be insulted if my ransom was only $8,500.

I swear I saw Josh Duggar, so we’re on the same page this morning...

For about two seconds, my coffee-deprived brain thought this was Jared from Subway. What a clusterfuck that would be.

*blearily stares at screen*

I’m pretty short and I’m not at all turned off by short guys - my last boyfriend was barely 5’5”. But you know what is really unattractive? Short guys who are furious about it and think that they were betrayed by the universe, that they ought to have had some much better life than whatever disappointment they’ve…

I am entirely too late to have this win, but I immediately thought of this, so I will share it anyway.

As a former Mormon (5 years clean! Woo!) I was ‘attending’ a Mormon friend’s wedding at the LA temple last year. (Attending as in, waiting outside during the service with the other heathens) While killing time wandering the grounds, my wedges failed me and I took a nasty spill and gouged the shit out of my knees on…

I read Jezebel religiously (ha), but have never commented. However, this event permanently scarred my catholic-upbringing mind. Several years ago, I lived in a small, rainforest-surrounded town, and worked in a hotel. One of my coworkers was really into hitting on me by talking about Jesus, and one day he gave me a…